希望我写了出来，感觉会好点。。

实在太难过了。。 难过得连呼吸都辛苦。。

再也找不到那里可以发泄。。

统统都写在这里。

帮我保守秘密好么？

安静的，等等我。

等我从难过中再找寻那久违的笑容。

Betta Fish

Walked pass this little authentic fish shop near my work place the other day. The twinkle of sun light reflecting on those glass bottles caught my attention.

After speaking to the shop owner, I decided to get a betta fish myself and here I introduce Norry.

Norry is a blueish red half moon betta, really cool colors but a friendly personality - Not quite good as a betta but I dont plan to place him for any tournaments so its perfectly fine with me.

I learnt to know that the ancestors of Norry really lead a pitiful and hard life. Betta fish owners dont really treasure them as a living fish, and in fact, most of them are seen as a tool to fight and win some bets over the gambling table.

They will keep them in small tiny bottles and hide them in the darkest closet they can find in their house. No feeding for at least 2 weeks and the poor betta will have to survive on eating up his own waste. This reminds me of the refuges during Japanese war time - whats the difference anyway?

When the pitiful betta is poured into the battle tank, he sees his opponent as his feeding food instead of some same species friends which end up tearing each other apart.

The worst is after the battle, the losers go home with some disappointed and angry owner who flush them down the bowl or some random drain.

No one look at betta as they are a kind of fish who is just fighting to live everyday.

Can people just have a little more love for animals in their heart?

They are just too adorable and innocent to be hurt without any reason, and most importantly, when you can prevent that to happen?

TRYING TO EXPLAIN

Have you ever try to explain when no one is listening?

Have you ever experience the feeling of lost of words?

Have you ever felt you are left alone with all fingers pointing at you?

Have you ever felt so hopeless when the one you love, the one you thought will be there to support you all the time is absence when you needed them so much?

There is nothing i can do, hopeless , desperate, despair, disappointed and sad..

That's when i cry - letting the pieces of my heart drop from my eyes.

TEARS

Why do i cry so much?

Because i know words cant even explain what i really feel

Why do i cry so much?

Because i know my words cant reach you anymore, you arent listening with your heart

Why do i cry so much?

Because your words hurt me so badly, and you are saying i am putting up a drama.

Why do i cry so much?

Because i feel so lonely, i was standing all alone all these time

Why do i cry so much?

Because i didnt expect those words will come from you

Why do i cry so much?

Simply because i care too much.

我一点都不重要，对么？

如果我是重要的。。为何你每次都急着挂电话？

如果我是重要的。。为何都是我给你打电话？

如果我是重要的。。为何我每次都有种被敷衍的感觉？

如果我是重要的。。为何我生病了，你也能不闻不问？

如果我是重要的。。为何我总是在等你关心我？

如果我是重要的。。为何跟我一起你都不会笑？

如果我是重要的。。

为什么我打这篇部落格会想哭

我真的那么不重要么？