.

傻 你就是傻
很傻很傻就对了

对 ， 我就是傻

忍心

你试过 心痛的感觉么？
心里揪着的痛
脑袋飞跃的思想很多 很多 很多
同时感觉 那脆弱的安全感被挥之而去

你开始会想 这个感觉的根源
可是无论你怎么去回想
根本就没法在哪混乱的思绪中 寻找一个平衡点
因为在意某人在那一刻所想的事情
那一份担心 那一份执着
而对方却选择不告诉你
那一份失望

那心痛的感觉 比肉体上的痛还痛
那种感觉 可以让你无时无刻都想流泪
多么希望大人的世界能简单点
无时无刻都可以把真实的感情表露无遗

很可惜 我们都学会了理智
学会了坚强 假装坚强
扛起了那副不在乎 自我保护的样子

因为在那个漠不关心 假装不在乎 假装忙碌的样子后面
藏着那个流泪的样子
一个纠痛的心

没事 忍过去了
没事 很快就会没事了

出走的心

夜深人静的时候就是脑袋思想飞翔的时刻
静静的悄悄地 思绪充满了形形色色的片段遐想
万里行空 这个世界无奇大
心的星空 更大更阔

有时候想一个出走的心 什么时候会回来
还会回来么
曾经付出过的心思 思念 甚至 撕心裂肺的感情
都得到回报了吗
都得到安慰了吗
都还安好吗

停留在那个时刻的心情 还是那么的痛苦吗

一些人 过了好几年 突然有天会告诉你
我想你了
我对不起你
对不起 我伤害了你

这些都是什么
是不是停留在那时空的感觉都醒觉了

我相信每个人都是自私的
只要是自己喜欢的自己在意的人 他都会想霸占对方的思绪
尽管是一分钟也好
所以到最后  就算放手了 他还是会在突然的某天回来说这些话
让你想想当时你们的点滴 就算是一点也好

然后自己会醒觉 或则被道德和价值观领导下的罪恶感给拍醒
慢慢恢复了理智
开始痛恨自己为对方制造了麻烦
最终狠下心 说再也不联络

一个出走的心
真的会回来吗

那。。什么时候回来呢

是不是真的等到失去了 才懂得珍惜

追寻

黑暗中的舞步
看不清前方
抓紧对方的手
踏着熟悉的舞步
享受属于我们的信任

就算放开手 也知道你会绕回到他身边的安全感
那些并肩同步的步伐 让你有种 能够征服整世界的勇气
空气中凝聚了 你我的温度

你双手的温度
值得
我一生
追寻

静态

每次写微博都会有个惊喜
太久没写了还是被遗忘了

生命里登入的人好多
有些登入了，然后离开
有些离开了，然后又回来了

有些人没想过会出现的， 竟然出现了
没想过会遇见的人，还是遇见了
没想过会介意的事，竟然会介意
没想过会在一起的人，还是在一起了

人生怎么那么复杂
那么多事情都无法交代
总要有谁会辜负谁

生命里总有人 让你措手不及
也有人让你想挥之而去

为什么会遇见哪一个会牵动你心情的人

Strength to Move On and Stop Waiting

I want to make today as the last day i would wait for him.
Waiting for calls
Waiting for messages
Waiting for return
Waiting for surprises
Waiting for hopes
Waiting for disappointments

I know what does it mean by stop waiting for someone - it simply means reduce a little bit of love and expectations and hopes for that person, then you will be able to let go and move on. At least, live your life without having this person to keep bothering you - torturing your thoughts, occupying them every minute.

Some people are lucky enough to not go through the waiting game - they simply have people waiting for them all the time.
They come home, have dinner, sit in front of the tv and then sleep off. Not realizing they arent even spending enough quality time with their love ones.

I dont understand why God gave me this gift of realizing how important other people's feelings are, what love means and why emotions are much much more important to others.

Maybe this gift is giving him unwanted stress - chasing him home everyday - asking what time he will be home bla bla bla.

Even I myself start to be frustrated and irritated with myself - the sense of defeated whenever i pick up the phone and ring him.

I even ask myself - why should I call him so many times when he dont even bother to call or text me during his free time?

So please, give me the strength to stop waiting for all of this BS. Just give me the courage to move on strongly and wisely, become the ME before I met him.

Dec 2014

Here I am again today.. at the same old spot i use to hang out 6 years ago.

I make myself easy and comfy on the top floor.. overlooking the crowd downstairs and pass-byers as what i did the last time.

Suddenly, I enrolled myself in a flashback.

I saw a young girl, sitting and starring out of the window over her coffee, smiling to herself and looking out at her watch impatiently at the same time..

She was waiting for someone, something -- and now, she is still waiting but for a different person and different future.

I was so young, so real when i last sat here, building and making up stories as i see what others are doing on the streets.

I look down and to my laptop noticing a baby bump that is not quite hidden for now.

I realized i was waiting for something that i didnt expect 6 years ago.

Something that I never thought it would be in 2014.

What a year.

Started off the year like a roller-coaster and now i realized that i am getting off at the stop eager to start another ride.

I never knew I would come back here and sit at the same place looking back.
I never thought i would marry him
I never thought he would mean so much to me.

I never expected i would be waiting for him.

Out of all the people i had waited and been waiting for - i just realized, he is the only one that made me wait with a smile.

Guess life is just filled with surprises.

He was the quiet one in the room which i never thought i would strike a 2nd conversation with.
He was in the corner, keeping to himself and which i never thought he would come forward and ask for a picture during graduation.
He was the one texting me which i never thought he would have the guts to ask me out.
He was the one who told me he would do his very best to keep that smile on my face which i doubted in the first place.
He was the one who asked for my hand, which caught be totally off guard.
He was the one who teared and did not freak out or swayed away when i told him i am pregnant.
He was the one who went to all of the maternity check ups with me and comforting me when my hormones decided to bully me.

He was the one, who looked me in the eye and say "I DO", letting me rule his life when he hates even when others question him what did he do or where did he go.

He told me on a Sunday morning that he could not believed that i am lying next to him, giggling over our silly jokes and QnA sessions.


I looked at him and smiled, whispering, "me too, I love you, Yi Han"